Life and Death
I used to think I treat this subject very lightly– after all, it is the natural process of being a human being or simply a being. And maybe, I thought, it is just the problem of being a scientist or engineer— we lack of the philosophical side of living in this earthly world. On the other hand, I also sort of believe reincarnation. Thus I often think, if it is so painstaking for this life, maybe I should welcome the idea of an early termination and embrace the adventure of my next life.
I learned a bad news from my younger sister over the phone today when I am sitting in front of the desk in the Victoria Hotel at Neihu, Taipei: my uncle passed away at the age of 83. A grief struck me and I carried it with me for the rest of the day. All the good old times we kids (with cousins) played in my uncle and aunt’s house and garden emerged from my subliminal memory. They lived in Kaohsiung while we were in Tainan. Even though it is only about 50km away, for kids, it is a field trip and a real vacation, a luxury we could only enjoy during our summer vacations.
My uncle K-C Chen (husband of my mother’s younger sister) was originally from Hunan Province in China. I would call him a victim of China’s Civil War. He came to this Formosa island with KMT in 1949. Even after more than half a century, most of our relatives including myself still cannot fully understand his Mandarin Chinese (or I should say understand less than 50% of it) due to his strong accent. However, it did not place a barrier for us to talk. He spent his entire life (after discharged from the military) in the state-operated phone company in Taiwan as a technician, an exemplary government employee. We could hardly believe when he was diagnosed with liver cancer a few years ago given he never smokes and drinks. I went to visit him a few times for the last couple of years whenever I came back to Taiwan and time was permitted.
I think I have reached an age that we started to lose more and more good things, friends and people that we cherished. I have been preparing this moment for quite some time to suppress my sorrow. Unfortunately, today I found it is too hard. After all, we are sensitive animals with feeling.
Part of my heart died today after I learned his passing. Wish reincarnation exists for all of us, then all the sweet memories and connections can find their next stop.
